Blog.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about purpose, specifically, my purpose. I have wrestled with it, trying to figure out what really matters in life, what I am living for. I’m 26, have a great job, am married to the most wonderful woman anyone could ever ask for, have an incredible family and an awesome set of in-laws, but I keep asking myself: what is it that drives me to get up in the morning? What are my short term goals? What are my long term goals? Does any of it really matter?

I look around me at the culture that I live in here in Northern Virginia and see a variety of people with varying purposes. Unfortunately, there are an overwhelming number of people that are living for “stuff”. That “stuff” takes many different forms: bigger houses, new cars, bigger TV’s, promotions so they can afford all the aforementioned…

There is a second group that stands out, but only a few people fit in this category comparatively to the “stuff” group. These people are those that live to help other people. This can be manifested in several ways: non-profit organizations, charities, volunteer’s at charity events, etc. The people in this group go out of their way to meet the needs of those around them: to feed the homeless, counsel and befriend the battered and abused, or provide families for orphaned or homeless children, etc. This second group of “givers” tend to find fulfillment in alleviating the pain and suffering of others, instead of attempting to find happiness in material possessions. While this group has a much nobler purpose than the first group, there is still a lack of eternal purpose.

The last group consists of Christ followers. These people are really a subset of group two, as they truly love their fellow man and do everything they can to help others, but the driving force behind their actions has eternal purpose. These “followers of The Way” actively seek to lavish love on the world in an effort to ensure everyone they come in contact with has a relationship with Jesus Christ. This last group understands Christ’s mission, and in striving to be like Christ they share the heart-aching desire for everyone around them to know the all-encompassing, unconditional love of almighty God.

I want to be in the third group. In fact, I believe I am in the third group, although I don’t always act like it. I still exhibit characteristics of the “stuff” group. I am at a point in my life where I know the importance of purpose, and I know that my purpose is to love those around me like Jesus loves me, but how does that affect me on a smaller scale? What needs to change in my life to help me look less and less like the “stuff” group, and more like a true Christ follower?

These questions continually haunt me, and I believe the Holy Spirit is knocking on my heart, attempting to get my attention, though I stubbornly don’t listen. Honestly, I’m scared of what God could do through me. My faith is big enough to know what He’s capable of, but not large enough to want to unleash that kind of power in my life. It is an odd kind of fear, because one would think the idea of wielding the power of the Holy Spirit would be very desirable, but that’s how I feel. I want to take that next step, jump off the cliff and dive deep, to let go and wholly trust in God to allow Him to do whatever it is He wants to do with me.

“The righteous will live by faith…” (Rom 1:17) Lord, increase my faith…